I have gone through hell and back making this record. I wouldn’t say that the making of it had anything to do with it per se, but the time within which it is being made certainly applies.
I have gone through manic depression, heartbreak, heartache, heartburn, insomnia, abject poverty, loneliness, fear, anxiety, anger, confusion, despair, elation, joblessness, near homelessness, near death, suicidal tendencies, agoraphobia, toxic poisoning, become a stalker, been stalked, been hacked, hacked back, learned C++, learned MySQL, written a forty five page marketing plan and filled out three grant applications, written two screenplays, lost all hope, gained total faith, lost the love of my life, lost the road, found it again and again and again, become an alcoholic, quit smoking, restarted, spent my last five bucks on a homeless person, not been able to ask for the same, made new friends, lost those friends, haven’t played a show at a club but have played one a thousand times in my living room or bathroom, and when Joe Ayoub came to track bass there was a fire in my building and we stayed inside while the building burned and waited until the sirens stopped so we could start recording.
Why am I telling you all this? Because since the breakup I have opened up the sessions again and started laying down material like never before, and it’s gone 3D. The process has taken me back to the initial spark for each of these songs. The words are significant to me again, and the musical passages all have context anew. Every part of me that died when Blue Dog Pict did, and when Danny took his life and when all the other bad shit happened, has also died and has been reborn in a much stronger iteration.
I do not write this with blind bravado – every single step has been an arduous lesson, and I am now observing the benefit of walking the whole path, and not ever having opted for the shortcuts. Every book, every lover, every heartbreaking fucking night of my life is in this and wow, when you finally sit back and just watch, the Universe rolls in ecstasy at your feet.
3 responses to “So anyway, back to my record”
“The warrior of light knows that there are occasional pauses in the struggle.
There is no point in forcing things; he must have patiance and wait for the two sides to clash again. In the silence of the battlefield, he listens to his heart beating.
He notices that he is tense, that he is afraid.
The warrior takes stock of his life; he makes sure that his sword is sharp, his heart satisfied, that faith still burns in his soul. He knows that maintenance is as important as action.
There is always something not quite right. And the warrior takes advantage of those moments when time stops to equip himself better.”
-the manual of the warrior of light /Paulo Coehlo
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I needed to leave you with something. something small and simple. i even signed up for one of those blogger accounts, just so i could leave you a comment. your entry deserved one.
i have the highest hope and faith for you. stranger-to stranger. your record will be made.
keep on persevering.
/cina
That is alot for someone to go through, we all go through something at some point in our life that we didnt expect could happen, life lessons learned makes us stronger, someone recently told me that I am strong and what I’ve been going through means I’ll get through it. Reading this enlightens me!
inspiration and passion come from the most unlikely of places…or so I have found.